It’s amazing how small things can change your life, just the other day I felt the Dynamic Duo kick my hand in turns it was strange and felt weird but at the same time gave me reassurance that they are there. It finely hit me that wow I’m gonna be dad and damn the house is far from finished, and if these kids are gonna be anything like me when I was growing up. Chances are I’m gonna be bald with stress, but i reckon I could pull off the bald look just need to put on a few more pounds but it will work.

The thing is with the pregnancy (being my first) i always felt out of the loop, missed out on the little movements the babies make as there are growing up in the womb. Just like I’m outside looking in, but when i felt them kick while there mom was sleeping it was my own special moment, and the one moment that made me feel that they do sometimes notice that i exist  too.

At times I call this the ignorance of the capable but its all the same. It really grinds my gears when those who are able to do something refeuse to do it. For example, you have your eyes,and legs yet when you walk into a retail outlet, you wish to stand in one place and have the item of your desire brought to you. How does that work? Meanwhile, there is the blind woman and the man in the wheelchair who refuse to be held back by their disability yet you with no holdbacks choose to restrict yourself. Some suggest that it should be called ‘you don’t know what you have until its gone’, but I think that depreciates the achievements of the have-nots.

A very dear friend of mine and I were discussing the point of marriage, ie, why do we get married? What we agreed on was that for religious folks, it is finding the one person you feel God has chosen for you and having the union blessed by (a representative of) God in front of family and friends. For non-religious folks, it is about making a life long commitment to the love of your life (well, so to speak). For the in-betweeners, the jokers of the pack if you will, it becomes very complicated. There are those who think that the point of marriage is not to make a life long commitment (as you’ve already done that by being/living with the person) but to celebrate the commitment you have made to each other. There are those who think, however, that the point of marriage is so that your relationship can be taken seriously not only in the eyes of those around you but also in the eyes of the law. I mean lets face it, any partnership (homo- or heterosexual) is not generally taken seriously until it is made ‘official’. It is a well known fact that spouses have more of a leg to stand on, legal fronts aside. Don’t get me wrong, it is not my intention to belittle the concept of marriage nor do I think that it is pointless. I just think that (like Christmas) a good idea has been turned into another reason to spend money. It has got to the point where people think they know why they are getting married but really and truly they have no idea. But hey, what do I know? Divorce rates may paint a better picture.

Relationships are a major part of life, so its no wonder that staying sane at times could depend on how we handle rejection. The ‘we need to talk’ or ‘where do you see this going’ or ‘we need to take a break from each other’ or my personal favourite, ‘lets just be friends’, tend to take its toll on our mental being from time to time thus how we deal with such situations are crucial. There are those who see the other person as an idiot and realise that their lives would be better lived sans idiots and move on that way. Some like to take the maternal approach suggesting that the other person just needs a bit of this or a bit of that and they would come back around. Some take the scientific route. They realise that certain equations (ie, relationships) no longer work once a constant (ie, feelings towards one another) has changed. Some adopt the ‘que sera sera (what will be, will be)’ notion and then get on with their lifes. For some it may be the ‘Why weep over parts of life when the whole of it calls for tears’ that helps them move on. There are those who even use all of the above depending on the situation. There are however, those individuals who like to tame their feelings, the jokers of this pack, who walk around with wounds that refuses to bleed.

• WEEK 4 (15^th -21^st April 2007)

I have been experiencing period-like cramps since the beginning of this week. My period is not due until the 24^th so it could just be another addition to my ever weird cycle. It has been irregular since the start of the year and I’m starting to just accept whatever comes my way now. The ovarian pains, the constant visits to the hospital and Drs, the unexplained/irregular spotting, the bloating, vomiting/nausea and swelling have now become common place so not much would really faze me. My main concern is that my right ovary is on its way out, the Drs and consultants don’t seem to be too concerned though they suggest I keep trying to get knocked up and as supportive as my better half is I cannot help but be concerned about what this would do to him. I know how much he hates to see me in pain so telling him that his little swimmers may hold the key to my well being is bound to give even the toughest of folks a hint of performance anxiety, but who knows? He may be one of those who work best under pressure. That being said, I don’t think we played the up and down game much this month having a painful cyst earlier on this month and the throat infection that I just got rid of, the little swimmer that would get through the barricade of painkillers and other medicinal concoctions that the wonderful doctors dreamt up for me this month would have its work cut out. Still, miracles have happened.